Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
