a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
