how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
