she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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