Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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