Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
