there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i think im in europe. pls send help
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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