Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
