Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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