Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
