yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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