Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
