mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
