we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
