Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
