Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
