Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
