good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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