Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
