On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
