apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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