I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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