The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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