Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
