saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
