i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
