you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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