I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
