I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
