Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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