Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
