Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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