I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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