when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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