So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
