i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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