Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
