i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
