i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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