I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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