would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
