bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
