1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
