I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
