...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
