is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
