I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My balls are so social today.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
