U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
