She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
