He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
