After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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