Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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